SO363: View of Japan as a Child

As a child, Japan was a place I dreamed about going to- an ultimate getaway, a topsy-turvy and whimsical Neverland that I hoped to which I hoped one day to escape. Japan was color, hope, and tradition, it was happiness in a far off dream. I think that there was a part of myself in childhood that imagined Japan as a place where I would finally fit in, a place where I would feel at home. I suppose it's often that children of divorce never feel that they fit in anywhere. While my parents tossed my brother and I across the US every year, my life felt like it held no constant, no thread connecting who I was with my father and who I was with my mother. That's when I found anime.

Perhaps it was an odd thing to glue my life together, but it gave me drive- it expertly tied together my desire to travel, my desire to be far from where I was, and, I thought, my desire to fit in. It's funny looking back on my immature notions of Japan now. Japan was the last place to go to fit in, but it was certainly one of the best to go to get away from where I had been. Still, I realize that the purpose Japan served didn't fit in exactly with my perception of it. When I thought of Japan, I thought of Sailor Moon and Geisha, Ninjas, Samurai, and Temples. One Christmas, my mother bought me a photobook of Japan and I loved it dearly. When I was feeling lonely, depressed, or out of place, I would look through it and close my eyes, imagining that I was Japanese. The pictures that stuck in my head were the busy, bright, and bustling streets of Tokyo, the Golden Temple on the water, gates to Ginjaa, and a young woman practicing kyuudou (Japanese archery). In retrospect, I guess I didn't really think about how those pictures might not have fit together, all I wanted was to be in Japan.

When I came to Japan when I was 13, my image shifted quickly. Japan was still lights and life, but suddenly it was karaoke, shopping, crowded trains, kanji, and courtesy. It was warmth and happiness, like a warm blanket, but it was far from what I had felt originally. Even now, I feel that image warping yet again, as it should be. Still, it makes me wonder if I will ever have a consistent view of Japan- but, I suppose, I don't seek out that consistency as desperately as I did in my childhood, as life is change.

Religion

Back home, religion means everything and nothing to me. It's important to me to ensure that religion doesn't ruin human development, stop environmental protection, violate rights of other religions and the nonreligious- it's something that put me on rocky ground with half my family and gets in the way of too many potential friendships. Sometimes, religion feels like nothing other than an eyesore to me- something that gets in the way of everything. Logically, I know that isn't entirely true. It's funny- normally I feel rather "live and let live" to anything and everything, which is why I'm torn at home on how to react to religion. To anyone that keeps their faith personal and does not condemn me, I love having intellectual conversations and working to benefit others. To anyone who I know is treating me differently because I'm an atheist, I want nothing more than to humble their efforts. It makes me come off as a split personality, but that's just the state of things in the US today.

One of the things that has made me feel most comfortable and welcome here is that they treat religion as, in my opinion, it should be- a personal choice, something to not condemn others over, and something that is not obvious through your every action. My Art and Society teacher (who sort of reminds me of Professor Lazarus from Doctor Who...) was giving a lecture on Buddhism last week and he remarked "Now, do you know of any Buddhist fundamentalists? Who says 'I'm fundamental about the Middle Way!'" It made me laugh at the time, but it really struck a chord with me-- especially when he went on to say "How many of you here have REALLY had a deep conversation about religion with a Japanese person? Or politics for that matter?" Almost on impulse, my hand shot up, but I realized that- although I had a few conversations about not liking Bush, the economy, and North Korea, my religion conversations had been primarily with the other American students in IES. In fact, I've discussed religion quite a lot with Hannah, Nancy, and Mindy- about got into a tiff with a few hardcore Christians even-but the extent of my religious conversation with my host family consisted of defining Quakerism to them (my host sister goes to a private Quaker school, but she's an atheist) and telling them I was no longer a Catholic because, to me, the Bible seemed nothing more than fiction. Still, that was nothing compared to all the conversations I've had with people I've known from the states for a significantly smaller amount of time. My hand slowly sank down.

Then my professor exposed the truth of the matter- "Sunday they think the neighbor's popping out for golf, but really he's gone to save his soul. Drives all the way across Tokyo to go to a church there just to make sure no one he knows he's a God-ie." I smiled at this, even scribbled it down in my notebook because the way he said it in his crisp English accent just reminded me of a one-liner from a Britcom; but I didn't really feel the implications of it until yesterday. On my way back from shopping with Hannah, I heard a small voice call out from behind me in English-"Excuse me! Could you please wait?" I stopped and was shocked to find a young Japanese woman behind me, another young woman and a young boy behind her. "Could I talk to you for just a moment?" Puzzled, I smiled and nodded. She pulled out a flyer and my heart sunk- it was a very prominent picture of the Bible- underneath was information about Bible study (the back is photographed above). Almost on impulse, my body became as stiff as a board when she said "We're Jehovah's Witnesses-," I just nodded, sensing the strain that was probably on my face as I tried to pick which comebacks I would use, "And we would love if you could join us for study. Thank you so much for your time!" I took the flyer, bowed, and smiled at the woman. Walking away, I was actually happy they had come to speak to me. In fact, it made me realize something-- it's the attitude that a lot of American Christians take towards non-Christians that bothers me. It's as if no one should be anything but a Christian- and anyone who is deserves to burn in hell fire. It's offensive and, quite frankly, rather rude and, at least personally, it gets me up in arms. But, these women gave me hope for secularizing society. Here, in a secularized society, these women were still able to do what they feel is a good deed for their religion and there is not one ounce of evil, trickery, or guilt-mongering in it. I suddenly realized why there is not much need for a secular movement here-- it's because this sort of society is what we're aiming for. [Still, on a funny note, like Hannah said-- I can't even seem to get away from Converting!Christians in Japan. haha]

On an interesting side note, it turns out that there are very old tombs of the Japanese Emperor's family which the Japanese refuse to excavate-- why? It's highly suspected that the Royal Family is of Korean origins and, on top of the religious implications (the Emperor is a descendant of the Gods in the Shinto religion- surprised?), the irony is just too much.